Texting At The Airport.

Congratulations for finishing your theory years in medicine. Three years in Medan. Yes, Medan! Gosh, how did you manage to get by in that place for 3 years?! I wish I have the same courage, motivation and strength to do the same for 3 years here in Dublin.

I am really happy for you but at the same time I just don't know how to let you know that. It might feel awkward. Really awkward.

At times I just don't know what am I doing when it comes to you. Scribbling your name on the snow, checking your Facebook when I arise in the morning and before I head to bed at night, texting you out of the blue etc. You're running in my mind 24/7. Everywhere I go and everything I do, your image will just appear in my mind.

This is utterly confusing.

I look forward to every chat with you in Msn, my day brightens up when I receive random text messages from you, I'm restless when I receive no reply from you...

Gosh, you are like a drug, and I'm addicted to you. In a positive way, I hope.

But somehow I need to take a break from you. I need to feel how's life without you appearing in my mind 24/7. I hope I'm able to do that.

Now that you are back in Malaysia, you will spend less time online which is pretty sensible since spending quality time with your family and loved ones back home is the main agenda for any holiday of yours.

I'm contemplating to leave the comfort of Dublin and head to Kilkenny for a new job. This is pretty unnerving. I wish I can tell you how anxious I am for this new adventure. Feels like sharing this piece of news with you but I think it would be better for this blog to know about it first.

Nevertheless, thank you for keeping me sane during my first 6 months in Dublin. You are indeed God-sent and I thank God for you.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry - Radiohead

Advent

Alarm snoozed
No less than three times
Sunlight from attic window
Heavy eyelids, half dazed mind
The warmth and comfort of the duvet
I pushed aside
Out of bed I jumped
Bathroom, basin and foggy mirror
And a torturous ice cold shower
As I came to my senses
I left home with my winter attire
-3 at 11am
Legs trudged through mud and snow
My Nike Air never fails me but not today
It's me versus black ice
but the upper hand belongs to the latter
20 minutes flew by
Destination reached
The warmth, a different warmth this time
It felt nostalgic
It has been 2 months
I'm back, Father
Are You there?
Am I late?
Would You welcome me with open arms?
To one of the left pews I sat
Five minutes before the bell rang
Five minutes of quiet time
It felt good
It must be Your grace
Something that was missing in my life
For the past 60 days
Busy chasing the worldly dream
I'm glad to be home again
Am I forsaken by You?
I asked
Instead of an answer
You asked me that in return.


Reminder to self/ Message for today: Make the path straight for the Lord, in your heart and in your mind.

Thus, the second candle of Advent is lighted.

December

And so December is here. Yes, the very last month of the year. 2010 is coming to an end and perhaps I should just be still and spend some time on reflection, contemplation and reassessment. How's my 2010?

Bittersweet, I'd say.

Stop and stare, I think I'm moving but I go nowhere...

.................

Stop and stare, you stop to wonder why you're here not there...

Wish You Were Here

Imagine us walking on snow covered roads together,
dressed in our elegant winter attires,
flashing warm smiles to each other,
filled with excitement, awe and wonder.

Imagine us walking hand-in-hand,
watching the sunset in the snow-white landscape,
whispering to each other the wonder of His creations,
thanking Him for this wonderful experience.

Imagine us writing each other's names on the snow,
With smileys and silly nicknames that only you know,
A snowman built at the side,
Giving him a name would be a delight.

Imagine us snapping pictures on the way to nowhere,
With silly poses and funny faces,
Only the both of us and the crispy snow,
And throwing snowballs at each other in the evening glow.

We could lie on snowfields,
in quietude without a single worry,
carving snow angels with our physical body,
Yes, with you, an angel, I wish for eternity.

We could walk on surface of snow and gravel,
With you allowing me to hold you,
Should you slip or fall,
We will laugh at it together, as if it's nothing at all.

When it is too hard to thread on the snow,
Or when you're shivering in the temperatures bordering sub-zero,
I'll carry you on my back gladly,
To our humble abode we will go.

If only you were here...Lil' Miss Frangipani.

Vanilla Twilight

For the very first time, I experience snow today!

It was around 8.30 in the morning when loud thumps were heard on the roof. That jolted me from my beauty sleep and quickly I opened the attic window. A hailstorm was brewing outside but it didn't last for long. After 10 minutes, it just turned into a milder form: snow. Yes, white fluffy snow. By then, my uncle and his family were already awake and shouts of excitement and wonder filled the whole house. It was, afterall, the first time their children got to see and experience snow, just like me. Whipped my camera and snapped a few pics at the front porch in a half-sleepy state. It felt like a dream. It felt like being in Owl City's Vanilla Twilight music video! Thank God for the experience and also the beauty of snow.


**UPDATED**
Just came back from work, at 2.30am. That was quite heavy a snowstorm out there and my colleague could only dropped me roughly 2 km from my place due to snow covered road which rendered her vehicle immobile leading to my place. Her BMW actually skidded while travelling at 20-25km/h at a roundabout and few passers-by came and helped push her car after it got stuck in 10 cm thick of snow. That was some bit of action in the wee hours of the morning. Once she has left, I took the long walk home but with more pictures taken along the way. The atmosphere and ambience out there is awesome. Imagination is one thing. Being in a real snowstorm at 2 in the morning is another.

Half Year

Today marks the 6th month I'm in Dublin. How do I feel? So far the journey has been a bittersweet one but I know He is with me through and through. He is faithful. He provides.

Hiatus

The thing that was once a burden is the thing I miss now. Attending classes.

Third Month

Today is officially my third month here. How time flies. How things have changed. How I've learned to see life in a different perspective the passed 90 days, how much I've gone through; the ups and downs, the feeling of joy and despair, the warm sunshine and chilly rain. But above all, how much love and grace He has showered me with throughout the passed 3 months. There's one thing for sure.. my Lord is faithful. He provides. All things work in His time.

And yes, I believe.

Amen.

Reversal

Yesterday and today were the best days I've had so far in Ireland.

Monday night: Chicken roll in O'Cornell Street at 3am in 12 degrees Celsius with Ricky. Awesome experience!

Far Away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4y-RzVGrHg

Bittersweet

When the world is raving about how awesome Inception is, I woke up from a dream which was so real it was exactly what I hope for in reality.

You were standing at the door waiting for me to fetch you (probably in my BMW). Upon my arrival, you showed a smile that could brighten any gloomy day. Yes, such was the influence and impact of your sweet, innocent smile. And with your white baby T, blue jeans and your black-frame spectacles that is almost a part of you already, into the car you jumped in and we started chatting as if we have not met for the passed decade. (Which could probably the case as I'm typing this. sigh.) The infectious smile, the child-like enthusiasm, the eagerness in the voice that shows there's a lot that we had to catch up. (It was like a direct copy and paste from our conversations in MSN, if you still remember.) We were heading somewhere which I can't quite recall, something like a youth gathering, something like a CF gathering back in Taman Sea high school. It was on the first floor of a certain building. I was a bit reluctant to go but you were so excited about it that you held my hand and led me as we walked up the stairs together. The feeling was indescribable, it was just extraordinary, an ultimate high.

And that's when I woke up abruptly.

Just a dream, I realized.

Bittersweet it may seem. 'Bitter' in reality but sweet in dream.

Anyway, life moves on.

Grace

At times you just can't explain His grace. You just got to experience it to know it is real. Tough things are made easy, sadness transformed to joy, weariness turned into rejuvenation, burden to contentment, despair to hope.

All the time I keep reminding myself that what I'm doing, I'm doing it for the Lord, not men. Therefore, I shall do my utmost best.

There is nothing too difficult or undoable, those are only challenges. Something that will help me grow in one way or another.

And above all, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I can feel He is with me always. Thank you Father.

Mother

Happy birthday Mum ! No words could describe how much I miss you now.

Merci

Although it might not have mattered to you at all but if I could tell you how I felt exactly when you picked up the phone and chatted with me yesterday, it would be this:- "I'm really grateful because to just listen to your voice, your exuberance and your positivity; it really brightens up my day." I really don't know where this is heading to, most likely to nowhere, but at this very moment I just want to thank God for small things from you like this. :-)

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And to chat with you again in MSN today, I think it completed my week. Yeap, potatoes and jus alpokat ftw. At least we have something in common - food. I wonder if there's any more common interests between us other than these. Oh well, if only I could meet you for a glass of jus alpokat when you're back in Medan or you are here having fries in the cool summer weather with me while chatting just about anything under the sun, like what we used to do in MSN nearly every night last year. It is only a dream but I guess there's no harm of me dreaming since that's the best I can do now. Well, everytime I eat milk cereals from now on will remind me of the struggling time I had here in Ireland whereas for you it is a healthier choice of food since you said you're chubby which I don't agree entirely with you. :p

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On another not-so-related-note, met a Malaysian guy here who happened to be my classmate in Abbey College. Ricky is his name. This 32-year-old dude who hails from Ampang is one of the rare genuine friends that I have in Dublin. Was supposed to go for lunch with him today but he told me he had some 'business' to settle. Turned out that so-called business of his was a date. First date to be exact. When I met him after his date he was a really happy man and I can literally see a glow in his face, all smiling and excited. I mean, who wouldn't? I can understand his feeling because, afterall, we are so far away from home and somehow there's a yearning for someone to be with. I just can't help but to feel happy for him. Went to a newly opened Malaysian restaurant in Dorset Street called 'Proton House' (what a name!) and had a great conversation with Ricky about how his life unfolds in Ireland. It was truly an as astra per aspera story which is really inspiring and somehow gave me hope that I'll be alright in Ireland despite the difficulties I'm going through currently. Cheers Ricky, I don't know if I would make this blog public but if you ever read this, you know it is dedicated to you. It was really a blessing to have known you and I really hope that life would turn out as planned for you and Savilla. And also, thanks for the nasi lemak today. It was awesome lah!

And before I sign off, the reason Merci was chosen as this post's title is because of a game played in class today. When asked by Colum, my lecturer, what is 'Thank you' in French, I enthusiastically answered 'Je t'aime' to the whole class even though I was fully aware the correct answer is 'Merci'; much to my chagrin. Lesson learned. Shall not be over-confident next time. Be more composed, Justin.

Smooth

Today was a good day. A blessed day indeed. After work yesterday, I thought I would be dead tired today but surprisingly I wasn't. Woke up early to a wonderful morning and everything just went smoothly. Tried McDonald's Breakfast Set for the first time. Opted for bacon instead of sausage and that was a mistake as bacon is not filling enough. Anyway, it came with a hash brown which was OK but I feel Malaysia's better, probably because of the higher MSG content.

Weather was perfect today. A cool and sunny morning as I sipped my latte while waiting for the bus to college. His peace was evidently with me because I was able to appreciate things which I wasn't able to see the passed week(s). Class was OK. Nothing much to shout about here. Came back in the evening to jog for the 2nd time since I came to Dublin. Completed 7 laps around a football pitch. Hmm roughly 1.4km but it felt as if I ran for 14km! Sweat barely broke until the 4th lap and the 16 degrees Celsius weather didn't help much either. Dang, this is not good. At this rate, I might probably slump to my most unfit condition in years zzz...Nevermind, try again in 48 hours time! Hoho.

Things just got better after that. Went to see uncle's new house. Luckily it was only a few hundred metres from where I jogged earlier. From the outside, it was lovely. If things go well, I might even get my own room, at the attic, that is! Excitement starts this 26th July. That's the supposedly shifting-in date. Llewellyn Way is the address, the same unique name as Kevin's brother, Llewellyn. Talking about Kevin, dang, I miss playing futsal with him already, not to mention cucuking his car with 'Poker Face' blasting on the audio player. Sigh, miss the good old days with that fella lah. Oh well, he is probably busy with his new girlfriend nowadays. Wonder how his ex, Evelyn reacted to that news. Hmmm. Guess she should be alright with it. The person who's not alright with him now is probably me and that is because he has yet to reveal to me who's that girl! If only I could say his favourite line back to him now, "Bloody platypus!" :p

Came back to a lovely dinner. Uncle tapao-ed 'siu yok & char siew fan'! OMG-DELICIOUSNESS! Been craving for that the passed 2 months and finally I get to makan some yummylicious pork. But sadly it wasn't enough so a portion of chicken and ham in mashed potatoes was added in as erm, dessert. Happy and contented man I was, after dinner :D

All in all, it has been a blessed and productive day. Thank you Lord for your joy is my strength.

UPDATE (16/7/2010): At last, Kev told me who is his girlfriend. Bhairavi's the name. Unique. Glad to know they are happy together. w00t !

Fight

Argh! Here it goes again. The feeling of homesickness overwhelms me the whole of today. Went to check Eithad Airways website and saw Kuala Lumpur under 'Promotional Deals'. The price: 685 Euros. sigh. I should be celebrating Germany's victory over Uruguay in the 3rd/4th placing match which ended just a while ago but I ain't in the mood. My mind and eyes were fixed at the Etihad website, clicking the available flight dates here and there... Why am I feeling so down today? Yesterday I just told myself that I won't let this affect me so much but helplessness is all I feel now. Lord, where are you? I need Your strength to overcome this terrible feeling. Stuck at home on a rainy Saturday I have no one to relate this lousy feeling to but You. It is dawn in Malaysia now as I'm typing this and most of my MSN companions are offline. Karyn didn't appear online today either. Perhaps she was appearing offline but in the end I didn't even say hi to her today, although I really wanted to.. Gosh, this is really absurd and I'm so not myself. There's no point already. I had to close the Etihad Airways website.

Perhaps I should just spend some quiet time with the Lord and then rest. It's going to be a long day tomorrow. Church and then 10 hours of work. No World Cup Final for me but I ain't complaining. Work comes first and I really need money to survive here. Sacrifice is something I should learn here in Dublin. I hope it will be worth it. I know it will. And I have faith everything will be alright...soon.

Bridged

Bliss is when I hear beloved mum's voice over the phone and chat with my 'ranting partner', Karyn, in MSN when I feel down and alone. Besides my Father, these two women keep me sane, focused and rejuvenated here in the Green Emerald. Really, MSN is the next best thing invented since sliced bread!

Dublin

sixtysevenhundredmiles was created a month after my arrival in Dublin, (19th June to be exact) but was left blank because of too much time spent with Procrastination. That fella's an old buddy now and it was hard for him to let me go.

Many things have happened yet I could not say life is easy and smooth sailing for me. Far from it. What can I say about my new found home, half a world away? A mixture of excitement and anxiety; at exactly a 1:1 ratio, that is!

When Lordson, a long-time buddy told me that homesickness will inevitably hit me hard in the first 6 months of my stay in Dublin, I just agreed unknowingly and replied confidently that I'm prepared for it. 2 months down the road and here I am typing this with a tinge of homesickness. It is really an unpredictable feeling, its magnitude varies on a daily basis but the effect is definitely overwhelming.

The first two weeks was filled with utter excitement because I was still in a 'holiday' mode. Sight seeing and trying out new food were highlights of the first fortnight. Carefree and relaxed were the only things I knew and felt. Various places were covered and I was surprised that Dublin city is not a huge city afterall. Disappointing? Not at all. But the interest dwindled as the days passed. Personally I like Dublin because it is a colourful, vibrant and multicultural city; filled with many eateries, pubs, bars, parks and old churches. Yes, there is like a church every kilometer of any street that you are travelling in, no joke, but that doesn't mean it is religious country. Far from it. I shall reserve that for another post in the near future. Haha.

The weather:- Upon arriving at Dublin Airport, I remember it was raining moderately. The only significant thing I could recall was seeing my own warm breath in 'smoky', vaporized form as I exhaled in the cold weather. It brought back a nostalgic feeling as that was only the second time I experienced it. The first was during winter in Sydney back in 2007. Smile was all I did, like a 'jakun' fella. Good thing no one noticed, I think.

It was the beginning of summer and it didn't feel that freezing cold yet it wasn't as warm as I would have liked it to be. But it got gradually warmer as the days passed, thank God. The average temperature for summer here is 18 degrees Celsius. Just nice, I'd say, as long as it doesn't pour. A layer of top or 2(shirt+hoodie) is sufficient on a warm summer day. Things to do during summer:- Pay a visit to the nearby beaches, sunbath/picnic at various parks in the city (the best is definitely St.Stephen's Green Park) or just wander about for people like me. At times, the weather here can get really blustery though. Not to my liking as it can be quite difficult to walk on the streets with heavy wind forcing you to squint to get a proper view of what's ahead. And also the unpleasant shiver as a result of the chilly, gale-like wind.

Food: Those that I've tried so far were fast food such as McDonald's, Burger King (beef patties pretty solid and fresh), kebabs, (massively huge portion of) fish n' chips, Greek food, Indian food and also Chinese food. But most of the time, due to money constraint or plain kiamsiap-ness I just rely on frozen food (Thank God for Tesco and microwave oven!) , reduced price sandwiches (some as much as 80% :D), fried chicken drumsticks (3Euros for 1 kg = 6 huge drumsticks = HALLELUJAH!) and also cereals and biscuits. So far so good, I didn't get any fatter or thinner. Still a healthy 64kg. Exactly the same when I left Malaysia.

All in all, it has been quite an experience for me so far and for that I have to thank Him.

First

Testing one, two, three...

Hmm..I never thought I'd start a blog since I'm no fan of blogging but ironically here I am; part of the bandwagon effect. There is no escaping now.

So, here goes the chronicles of my life in Dublin, besides muses and random thoughts that come into mind.

one word: w00t !