Texting At The Airport.

Congratulations for finishing your theory years in medicine. Three years in Medan. Yes, Medan! Gosh, how did you manage to get by in that place for 3 years?! I wish I have the same courage, motivation and strength to do the same for 3 years here in Dublin.

I am really happy for you but at the same time I just don't know how to let you know that. It might feel awkward. Really awkward.

At times I just don't know what am I doing when it comes to you. Scribbling your name on the snow, checking your Facebook when I arise in the morning and before I head to bed at night, texting you out of the blue etc. You're running in my mind 24/7. Everywhere I go and everything I do, your image will just appear in my mind.

This is utterly confusing.

I look forward to every chat with you in Msn, my day brightens up when I receive random text messages from you, I'm restless when I receive no reply from you...

Gosh, you are like a drug, and I'm addicted to you. In a positive way, I hope.

But somehow I need to take a break from you. I need to feel how's life without you appearing in my mind 24/7. I hope I'm able to do that.

Now that you are back in Malaysia, you will spend less time online which is pretty sensible since spending quality time with your family and loved ones back home is the main agenda for any holiday of yours.

I'm contemplating to leave the comfort of Dublin and head to Kilkenny for a new job. This is pretty unnerving. I wish I can tell you how anxious I am for this new adventure. Feels like sharing this piece of news with you but I think it would be better for this blog to know about it first.

Nevertheless, thank you for keeping me sane during my first 6 months in Dublin. You are indeed God-sent and I thank God for you.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry - Radiohead

Advent

Alarm snoozed
No less than three times
Sunlight from attic window
Heavy eyelids, half dazed mind
The warmth and comfort of the duvet
I pushed aside
Out of bed I jumped
Bathroom, basin and foggy mirror
And a torturous ice cold shower
As I came to my senses
I left home with my winter attire
-3 at 11am
Legs trudged through mud and snow
My Nike Air never fails me but not today
It's me versus black ice
but the upper hand belongs to the latter
20 minutes flew by
Destination reached
The warmth, a different warmth this time
It felt nostalgic
It has been 2 months
I'm back, Father
Are You there?
Am I late?
Would You welcome me with open arms?
To one of the left pews I sat
Five minutes before the bell rang
Five minutes of quiet time
It felt good
It must be Your grace
Something that was missing in my life
For the past 60 days
Busy chasing the worldly dream
I'm glad to be home again
Am I forsaken by You?
I asked
Instead of an answer
You asked me that in return.


Reminder to self/ Message for today: Make the path straight for the Lord, in your heart and in your mind.

Thus, the second candle of Advent is lighted.

December

And so December is here. Yes, the very last month of the year. 2010 is coming to an end and perhaps I should just be still and spend some time on reflection, contemplation and reassessment. How's my 2010?

Bittersweet, I'd say.

Stop and stare, I think I'm moving but I go nowhere...

.................

Stop and stare, you stop to wonder why you're here not there...