Texting At The Airport.

Congratulations for finishing your theory years in medicine. Three years in Medan. Yes, Medan! Gosh, how did you manage to get by in that place for 3 years?! I wish I have the same courage, motivation and strength to do the same for 3 years here in Dublin.

I am really happy for you but at the same time I just don't know how to let you know that. It might feel awkward. Really awkward.

At times I just don't know what am I doing when it comes to you. Scribbling your name on the snow, checking your Facebook when I arise in the morning and before I head to bed at night, texting you out of the blue etc. You're running in my mind 24/7. Everywhere I go and everything I do, your image will just appear in my mind.

This is utterly confusing.

I look forward to every chat with you in Msn, my day brightens up when I receive random text messages from you, I'm restless when I receive no reply from you...

Gosh, you are like a drug, and I'm addicted to you. In a positive way, I hope.

But somehow I need to take a break from you. I need to feel how's life without you appearing in my mind 24/7. I hope I'm able to do that.

Now that you are back in Malaysia, you will spend less time online which is pretty sensible since spending quality time with your family and loved ones back home is the main agenda for any holiday of yours.

I'm contemplating to leave the comfort of Dublin and head to Kilkenny for a new job. This is pretty unnerving. I wish I can tell you how anxious I am for this new adventure. Feels like sharing this piece of news with you but I think it would be better for this blog to know about it first.

Nevertheless, thank you for keeping me sane during my first 6 months in Dublin. You are indeed God-sent and I thank God for you.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry - Radiohead

Advent

Alarm snoozed
No less than three times
Sunlight from attic window
Heavy eyelids, half dazed mind
The warmth and comfort of the duvet
I pushed aside
Out of bed I jumped
Bathroom, basin and foggy mirror
And a torturous ice cold shower
As I came to my senses
I left home with my winter attire
-3 at 11am
Legs trudged through mud and snow
My Nike Air never fails me but not today
It's me versus black ice
but the upper hand belongs to the latter
20 minutes flew by
Destination reached
The warmth, a different warmth this time
It felt nostalgic
It has been 2 months
I'm back, Father
Are You there?
Am I late?
Would You welcome me with open arms?
To one of the left pews I sat
Five minutes before the bell rang
Five minutes of quiet time
It felt good
It must be Your grace
Something that was missing in my life
For the past 60 days
Busy chasing the worldly dream
I'm glad to be home again
Am I forsaken by You?
I asked
Instead of an answer
You asked me that in return.


Reminder to self/ Message for today: Make the path straight for the Lord, in your heart and in your mind.

Thus, the second candle of Advent is lighted.

December

And so December is here. Yes, the very last month of the year. 2010 is coming to an end and perhaps I should just be still and spend some time on reflection, contemplation and reassessment. How's my 2010?

Bittersweet, I'd say.

Stop and stare, I think I'm moving but I go nowhere...

.................

Stop and stare, you stop to wonder why you're here not there...

Wish You Were Here

Imagine us walking on snow covered roads together,
dressed in our elegant winter attires,
flashing warm smiles to each other,
filled with excitement, awe and wonder.

Imagine us walking hand-in-hand,
watching the sunset in the snow-white landscape,
whispering to each other the wonder of His creations,
thanking Him for this wonderful experience.

Imagine us writing each other's names on the snow,
With smileys and silly nicknames that only you know,
A snowman built at the side,
Giving him a name would be a delight.

Imagine us snapping pictures on the way to nowhere,
With silly poses and funny faces,
Only the both of us and the crispy snow,
And throwing snowballs at each other in the evening glow.

We could lie on snowfields,
in quietude without a single worry,
carving snow angels with our physical body,
Yes, with you, an angel, I wish for eternity.

We could walk on surface of snow and gravel,
With you allowing me to hold you,
Should you slip or fall,
We will laugh at it together, as if it's nothing at all.

When it is too hard to thread on the snow,
Or when you're shivering in the temperatures bordering sub-zero,
I'll carry you on my back gladly,
To our humble abode we will go.

If only you were here...Lil' Miss Frangipani.

Vanilla Twilight

For the very first time, I experience snow today!

It was around 8.30 in the morning when loud thumps were heard on the roof. That jolted me from my beauty sleep and quickly I opened the attic window. A hailstorm was brewing outside but it didn't last for long. After 10 minutes, it just turned into a milder form: snow. Yes, white fluffy snow. By then, my uncle and his family were already awake and shouts of excitement and wonder filled the whole house. It was, afterall, the first time their children got to see and experience snow, just like me. Whipped my camera and snapped a few pics at the front porch in a half-sleepy state. It felt like a dream. It felt like being in Owl City's Vanilla Twilight music video! Thank God for the experience and also the beauty of snow.


**UPDATED**
Just came back from work, at 2.30am. That was quite heavy a snowstorm out there and my colleague could only dropped me roughly 2 km from my place due to snow covered road which rendered her vehicle immobile leading to my place. Her BMW actually skidded while travelling at 20-25km/h at a roundabout and few passers-by came and helped push her car after it got stuck in 10 cm thick of snow. That was some bit of action in the wee hours of the morning. Once she has left, I took the long walk home but with more pictures taken along the way. The atmosphere and ambience out there is awesome. Imagination is one thing. Being in a real snowstorm at 2 in the morning is another.

Half Year

Today marks the 6th month I'm in Dublin. How do I feel? So far the journey has been a bittersweet one but I know He is with me through and through. He is faithful. He provides.

Hiatus

The thing that was once a burden is the thing I miss now. Attending classes.